Will Kemp's Cherry and Carl's Glass Gems

More of an Art School style YouTuber (he, in fact, has an on-line art school you can enroll in) Will Kemp taught me how to layer with acrylics. You could say Will Kemp's cherry busted my art bone. You could say that but don't. It's stupid. Anyway, here's the first part of Will Kemp's cherry.



Will Kemp's cherry is so complex that it comes in a four part series that contains five parts. I'm not even joking. This series of lessons was one of the best YouTube lesson I ever watched. There's no way I would have been able to tackle Carl's Glass Gem Corn without it.

"Carl's Glass Gem Corn? What the hell is that?" I can pretend someone asks so I may continue typing. Carl's Glass Gem Corn is a painting of corn cultivated by Carl named Glass Gem. The corn is called Glass Gem. Carl is the cultivator. The painting is called Carl's Glass Gem Corn.

Background.

Under-painting layer.

About three layers in.

I'd say there are about 4 more layers in this one.

Another 3 layers plus shine.

This is not how the painting actually looks. All these pictures were taken inside my far too gloomy painting room. It can't be called a studio, it's too dark. Here's a picture of the painting taken outside-- on a cloudy day, no less.

This here one is more how the painting looks in real life.


Why yes, I do have an Etsy! Fallen Face Studio

The Artist All Up In There!

Just like any celebrity, artists want to be face forward too. "Look at me 500 years ago painting these dope paintings!" they'd say if they used 1990s slang. Only most of these were commissioned works and the people paying did not give them money to put their ugly mugs in the picture. But as we know, artists are crafty mofos.


Check out Jan van Eyck's Arnolfini Wedding.

The first thing we notice besides wow! what a beautiful painting, is that 15th century Italians waited for the very last minute to get married. Plus they had dog-bone shoes for their Shih Tzu. What you probably don't notice is good ole Jan hanging out with the family. Lemme show him to you:

This is how bad-assed (or desperate to be in the picture, you decide) he was. In the mirror in the background of the painting is the back of his subjects and the front of him (plus someone else), Because circles within circles, dude.




If the painting wasn't commissioned the artist could be much bolder. Johannes Vermeer was exactly that in The Procuress.

You know, it could be a commission for all I know. Don't think many 17th century art patrons request paintings of hoes in whorehouses. Alas, Mr. Vermeer is not the tit-grabber. He's the alcohol drinker. A detail of this painting is usually what you see if someone is showing you a picture of Vermeer. Although the drink and tit grabbing are usually blocked out.




Another century passes and painters are getting bolder. Here Francisco de Goya as Spain's Court Painter, inserts himself in this for sure court paining: The Family of the Infante Don Luis de Borbón

I think he used a bit of misdirect razzle-dazzle. "No, Senor Borbon. I did not insert myself into your family portrait! As you can easily see, I was painting the portrait when some other painter painted me painting you. I mean, come on, most of you were looking straight at him!"




In modern times the artist doesn't even pretend to be painting anything else but himself. Right Norman?

And finally we have a painting of a painter painting a painting of a painting painting himself.

I did, like, 4 days of research on this here painting and I think (not sure as I don't speak German) that this is an artist and writer named Armin Peter Faust. Any of you fives of people who read this can correct me if I'm wrong.









Of course I have an Etsy. Fallen Face Studio

More Internet Teacher Love

Are you a beginner acrylic painter but don't know your acetone from your elbow? Hie thee quickly to YouTube and hashtag yourself some BigArtQuest! There is some real learning going on over at Cinnamon Cooney's channel, The Art Sherpa. And Cinnamon is a work of art herself. I just adore her Ombre lips and matching hair.  Plus, you can tell that just off-camera, she's a little bit salty. I like that imagined trait in a person.

The Rocky Horror tutorial I link to below is not part of The Art Sherpa's Big Art Quest. The Big Art Quest includes things like How to Make Custom Color Charts and The Miracle of Acrylic Mediums and Easy Skin Tones. These videos are actual lessons with definitions and homework and stuff-- that you don't have to do because it's YouTube! and not an expensive class you paid hundreds of dollars for. So blow it off, who cares?





I very recently watch this video (note Cinnamon's purple Ombre action) and was inspired to paint my own lips. Not my own lips that are on my face. No-- my own painting of lips not done according to this tutorial. Except for how to paint the teeth. I did suffer badly from "Chiclet teeth". The Sherpa fixed that.


Here's how I did it.

 Picked a very, very pinkish peach and painted the whole canvas. Drew in the fang lips with a charcoal pencil (Don't be messy like me when you do this). First coat of teeth is grey, inside of mouth is black and the shadow is burnt umber.

First coat of magenta, oxide red and titanium white.

Second coat. And we're blending and blending and blending. . . .

Highlight them teeth! No Chiclets here.

 

More layers. More blending. More layers. More blending. Now shine them lips up good and glossy!

Ya know, that pretty much is what Cinnamon did in her video. Except my lips are Ombre and I did a lot more layers.

Ombre. A word that I have used maybe 3 times in my whole life and now I have a page on the internet, which means forever, repeating it over and over.


Why yes, I do have an Etsy! Pinkslinkie's Fallen Face Studio. 

In The Beginning There was Clive, The Mad Welshman.

I don't remember how I stumbled across Clive of Clive5Art but it was very early on in my art journey. I don't know why he it the spot so well. I liked his style of painting and I liked how he rambled on and I liked his accent and how he seemed like such a proper English gentleman who occasionally wore a thumb ring. Over the years his studio has grown and his production values have gotten better and he tries so very hard not to ramble and keep his videos short. I dunno, I love the ramblings. Here he is introducing himself:






Just as Angela Anderson showed me that I could paint pictures that weren't crap, Clive showed me I can paint pictures that I could be proud of. Not that I wasn't proud of some of my other stuff.  You know, stuff that didn't look like crap always made me happy. But look at this study of a cat's eye I painted following one of his tutorials.

 I could paint like this? Wow Clive, thanks for showing me I could.




Of course I have an Etsy!  Pinkslink's Fallen Face Studio

The Hours Continue to Need Filling

Back in January of 2015 my face fell. Did the hospital thing and the rehab thing and, after about two months, my job told me that they did not want my wobbly, drooly, funny talking ass around no more. Also, jewelry making became almost impossible. Now what was I going to do?

After week of sitting at home wondering what the hell I was going to do with myself now that all I could do was walk into walls and drop food out of my mouth, I decided I wanted to paint a picture. Not to paint a picture, mind you, but as a stencil of sorts for a mosaic. I got some acrylic paint from my craft room and the lid of a cigar box and painted a flower-eyed view of the sky. Look at this piece of shit:

Boy, you could tell I hadn't painted a damn thing since elementary school. But I still had paint and I still had cigar box lids and I still had 24 hours to fill-- minus the sleepy time, of course. So I pressed on. I painted about 3 very, very terrible paintings before realizing that there were teachers out there, willing to teach me for free. My very first painting teacher was Angela Anderson and she taught me how to paint trees with sponges.



I do not have a picture of the painting I did using this tutorial (my fourth ever) because someone liked it and I gave it to them. Yes, I--me!-- painted something nice enough for someone else to want. Well now. This meant I had to buy supplies!

The thing is, ever since I picked up that brush 2 and a little bit years ago I have not put it down. Every day I paint a little. Every day I learn more with teachers who just give away painting lessons! They just give them away. For free. I am forever grateful.



Of course I have an Etsy! Pinkslink's Fallen Face Studio.

TV Screen Endangering Commercials

I need to vent my spleen as it has filled up with whatever goes into spleens. I've seen that commercial again. The one that makes me want to strangle a teacher. It goes something like this:

Two couples playing Scrabble. One person puts down the word 'you'. The next person says, "I'll build on that word," and sets down the letters n e f c . Another alert Scrabble player says, "Hey, that's not a word-- and you're a teacher!"

Then, the worlds most retarded teacher says-- and I swear she says this-- "Yes it is a word. It's pronounced "nefque" and it STANDS FOR Nassau Educators Federal Credit Union."

That's when I start yelling at my TV. "THAT'S STILL NOT A WORD YOU STUPID FREAKIN' BITCH!!!! AND YOU'RE A TEACHER!!!!!"


This angers me more than the people who cannot do simple tasks like drain spaghetti or peel an egg. The worst offender in my opinion is the dumb bunny who needs a Snuggie because she doesn't know how to use a blanket. A blanket. She has a problem covering herself with a blanket. I need to repeat this: She cannot cover herself with a blanket without major frustration and failure. This is probably why she needs to buy a robe and put it on backwards.



You know who else needs a cockpunch? That stupid fucking hipster in the Sam Adams commercial. The one who never tasted Sam Adams before. Why he never tasted it before, I don't know. Probably because he's a stupid fucking hipster and it's not PBR in a can.

But that's all right. You can be a stupid fucking hipster in your plaid pork pie hat if you wanna. Just don't try to sound like a smart fucking hipster by saying, "I obviously was selling myself short by not even considering this as a possibility." No, you were not selling yourself short. You were selling Sam Adams short. You stupid fucking hipster.


How about the guy that the worst thing that ever happened to him was that he had to leave work and wait in line at the post office. If that's the worst thing that ever happened to you, you need to STFU and go buy some more stamps.  Although I don't find him half as rage inducing as the woman in that same postage scam commercial.

"Can you only get stamps? No, you stupid person. What a dumb question I just asked myself and ascribed to you so that I can talk down to you."

HELP

I Only Ever Leave The House To Eat These Days

A short while ago, me and hubby went to Smorgasburg in Prospect Park and had a very lovely time. Almost everything we ate was delicious. Almost.

First off, it was a great day and a great crowd. Not to thin so as too look sad but not so crowded that a streetsweeper is needed in order to take two steps.

We went hungry. Don't see a need to eat anything before going to a smorgasborg, erm, burg. When we got there, we made a beeline to Porchetta for a roast pork sandwich. This is NOT a picture of the roast pork sandwich. We were so hungry we scarfed down the delicious, delicious, oh so delicious pork sandwich which I didn't even think to take a picture of. I'm not sure what this is a picture of but it looks yummy, doesn't it?

I saw a sign for arepas. I LOVE arepas and had to have some. But instead of a delectable slice of fried cornbready and melted cheese heaven, I was given this . . . thing. Palenque claims to be Colombian, but they spell flavor with a "u". What self respecting American spells flavor with a "u"? These people ain't Colombian and that ain't no arepa. I took one bite and handed it to Dany. He was much more intrepid. I took two bites. We actually threw it away.

THIS is a corn and cheese arepa. A nummy, nummy corn and cheese arepa. Can you imagine throwing this beauty away?

Throwing food in the garbage made me hungry. Good thing there were a gazillion food stalls. Bombay Sandwich Co. made giant samosas and mango lassi that were gobbled up posthaste.

It was now time for dessert. If you have read this blog before, you may remember the last time me and Dany were out and I had to have some ice cream, things did not end well for me. In fact, it all came out in the end. Explosively. Luckily for me Alchemy Creamery makes non dairy ice cream. It was almost exactly like eating regular ice cream except for the creamy part. I'da had seconds if it wasn't for the fact that I was finally stuffed.

We didn't get a coconut but we did spend quite some time watching this man swing his machete around like a Baby Doc Duvalier supporter. From far back in the crowd. And keeping a close count of his fingers.

And lastly, we did not rent a bike. This is a family sized bike. There were all sizes and we thought about it but the line to rent was about an hour long. I, for one, plan to go back to Prospect Park just to rent on of these and look like a complete dork.