Monday, August 3, 2015

America's Most Terrible

Here it is just like I said. My terrible painting fails.

First up is Cymbalta Daisy. With it's out-of-proportion petals and drab, depressing coloring, it was the first of my terrible paintings to get the gesso treatment. Only I didn't have any gesso at the time so it actually got the white paint treatment. P.S., my son could not believe I painted over it. Had I known he enjoyed it, I would not have. Also, had I known this was the best flower I'd ever paint, I may have re-thought painting over it.

This terrible cardinal was painted before I realized you could trace shit. This is my attempt to free-hand paint a bird. I tried correcting his weird shaped body but all that did was leave a reddish tinge surrounding his stiff, oblong body. He has not gotten the gesso treatment yet but I plan on re-visiting the cardinal in flight and when I do, bye bye not-so-aerodynamic bird.

My attempt at one stroke flowers. This one I blame on cheap paint and canvas. The technique involves putting two different colors on the paintbrush and making a swooping motion to get a petal. The canvas was too rough and the paint did not cover well at all. This, of course, has been geeso'd and no one complained.

My flower problems continue. These flowers were so terrible, I didn't bother to paint the stems. Some of the smaller brush flowers aren't too bad, but those large flowers are beyond terrible. I gesso'd the fuck out of this field of mutant daisies.

This picture of my painting of a tree looks much better than the actual tree I painted. If you look closely, you can see the failed one-stroke flower petals in the background. This means I'm not only terrible at painting, I also suck at painting over paintings.

Believe you me, there were many, many more fails. I would show them all to you except I usually don't think, "Wow! That's fucking terrible! Let me take a picture of it." Usually.