Thursday, July 30, 2015

Some Of My Least Terrible Paintings

As I have mentioned before, I've been painting terribly. A lot. Mostly in the middle of the night because I'm so bad at it, it's a crime. Some of my paintings are more terrible than others. These here are some of the less terrible ones.

This one is called Coward (yes, I name my paintings. I have even started signing them. Someone has to take responsibility for this crap). It is called Coward because, when I started painting it I envisioned a dark, sunset-y scene with a flock of silhouetted birds flying across the sun but when I was done with the sunset part, I was afraid I would ruin it with birds. So I didn't paint the birds. Because I'm a coward.

Since painting from my own head was yielding such terrible results, I tried painting with step-by-step instructions from an expert. The Art Sherpa would surely chastise me for calling my paintings terrible. But look at her beach wave and look at my Beach. The waves in my painting are just terrible.

Back to painting from my own head. Since I already had a sun, a moon and The Milky Way painted, I tried my hand at Mars. My terrible, terrible hand. After I finished it I realized that the shadowed part of Mars should not have stars in it. I am not only a terrible painter but a bad astronomer. Not The Bad Astronomer mind you, but bad enough not to realize you can't see stars through a planet.

Moon Cat shows that I was correct in being a coward with Coward. I had a nice moonlit landscape going that I originally wanted to put a cat in. When I was done with the moonscape, I talked myself out of chickening out and painted the cat. The terrible, lopsided, too fat cat.

This is Night of the Triffids. Why did I paint this? I don't know. Alls I know is it can't be terrible because I made it up in my head so this is exactly what a night of triffids would look like.

This is Paper Birch. I don't have anything bad to say about it since I quite like it. Although two people thought it was a painting of bamboo.

Maybe someday I'll post pictures of my more terrible terrible painting. Maybe Charles Barkley will comment on their terribleness.