I Am Not Home

Today is the fourth of July and I am not home. I am walking a nature trail. I'd say "hiking" but that sounds as if I'm working hard. I will most likely be meandering. After that, I'll be grilling some beer can chickens. One for each of my family because it is a barbecue and the 4th of July and that means AMERICA, FUCK YEAH-- NOM NOM NOM-- GIANT AMERICAN PORTIONS X 2!!!!!!

While I'm enjoying the natural beauty of the United States of America and then stuffing my face full of meat, you can read this special history of the 4th of July post.


It all started when King George thought it would be funny to fuck with us. We was like, oh HELLS nah!

They couldn't beat us because we had the drop on them.

Plus we are just too badass

George Washington used F-35 to shoot the shit out of Cornwallis and then he was all like:

And then, to make things even extra special, Will Smith saved the world.

So let's celebrate!

And remember, be careful out there.