Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Shout Out To Those Crazy Fu--, Um, Dedicated Artists With Nothing But Time And Patience

Have you ever seen a work of art that was so detailed and painstakingly put together that you thought, "Wow, that artist is crazy talented. Or maybe just crazy"? I have on countless occasions. Let it be said that this is not a failing of the artist but my own lack of patience and talent that leads me to be such a bitch internally. Here are a few artists I've encountered while filling the hours on the internet that made me stop and say, "Really?!"

Laura Hiserote does mosaic. I have done mosaic. That is where the comparison stops. Whereas I pasted a few orange and red tiles in a circle and called it the sun, Laura uses her Ant-Man abilities to lay down microscopic tesserae and creates things like this:

I'm a bad blogger. The above picture does not do Laura's micro art justice. I chose it because I love it the most. Here's another picture that illustrates the painstaking art of going tweezer-blind much better.

If you put your nose right up to the computer, you can see the atom sized tiles used on this pendant.

Wen Fuliang is a woodworker who lives in China. When the communist claimed all the wood for the state, Wen started carving eggshells instead. Because why the fuck not? He doesn't have a webpage (damn commies!), so here are a few pictures of how he wiles away the hours not claimed by the Chinese government.

Like a snowglobe made by chickens.

The only problem is, his cholesterol is through the roof.

Say you've eaten a cow cut into steaks and a whole Monsanto corn farm's worth of popcorn. What do you do with all the toothpicks you use afterwards? If you are Scott Weaver, you do this:

One memorable Rice-A-Roni meal got stuck in there real good and here is the result 

And this is just because he hates trees.

Dalton Ghetti took a look at the previous artist's work and was like, psh, ya'll ain't nothin'! Except for Laura. She can hang with us micro guys. Make sure you have a very strong light when you display my pieces. You're gonna need it.

Screw your glue, nutritious snacks and teeth cleaning utensils, here are the tools of my trade.

How much do I love my art? Dalton continues speaking to me in my head, this much!

Yeah, well, you know what Chen Forng-Shea has to say to you Mr. Ghetti? Nothing. He probably doesn't even know you. But if he were to meet you in my head and I made up a conversation, he would probably say "You think that's crazy tiny? You ain't seen nothing yet, amateur!" and he'd whip out a grain of rice. And then everyone would search for their magnifying glasses and patiently wait their turn (cuz these guys got patience up the whazoo) to see this.

Chinese artists can't help playing with their food.

And now I will go back to not being patient enough to wait for acrylic paint to dry.