Wednesday, July 15, 2015

How To Paint Terribly

I paint stuff all the time. Just recently I painted my kitchen. Also, I've painted boxes and other craft projects. I think I've established my credentials as a person who can paint things. One day I had a lid off of a cigar box, some paint and brushes and thought, "Hey, wouldn't it be nice to paint a fiery sun in a summer sky?"

No, that would not be nice at all. Perhaps it would do better as a flower looking at the sky.

Nope. Still the opposite of nice. Which would be mean. So not really the opposite of nice as much as it is the opposite of good.

Then, while drunk cruising Amazon, I saw 3 primed canvases for only 4 bucks. What a deal! How could I pass that up? By not passing it up, that's how! Three days later I was the proud owner of 3 4X6 canvases. Since I am a cheapskate and did not want to waste 4 whole dollars doing something I did not know how to do, I decided to let Youtube teach me how not to paint terribly.

First I went to Bob Ross because Bob Ross. He's so soothing and he makes fantastic landscapes that look so easy. Don't worry. There are no mistakes in Bob Ross Land, only happy accidents that can easily be turned into happy little trees.

It took a day to recover from my Bob Ross induced coma. He paints in oil (like a real artist), I have acrylics, like a normal person.

Then I found a video by PaintBasket. It is almost 2 and a half hours long. I have not gotten to the end of it yet. I am not joking. But the first 45 minutes are crammed full of useful information about painting with acrylics for beginners.

As an added bonus, you can spend half the time trying to figure out what the hell kind of accent he speaks with. Spoiler in the comments.

Next I watched a few Clive 5 Art videos. I love how he went from filming in an unlighted shed to his cute studio while giving away lessons right in the middle of my price range. Also, I'd love to have a cup of tea with him even in his cramped little shed.

Also watched a lot of Angela Anderson, She teaches children to paint. Exactly what I need.

Did you know you should be able to draw in order to paint? Or at least trace? It never occurred to me to draw in the out line of what I wanted to paint because I'm a big, fat idiot. Here's a flower that I drew on the painted background with chalk first.

It doesn't look like the sun at all. I do find it a little drab. It looks like it should be in commercials for Cymbalta.

My favorite so far are these trees.

Even though the tree on the left is decapitated. I meant to do that. It's a statement on how our industrialized existence is impacting nature and her purpley-red stick trees.

I'd do a how-to entry, only I don't know how to enough.