Thursday, May 21, 2015

True Facts and Facts I Have Made Up

All around the web these days, blogs and articles are taking the form of lists. There are many reasons for this, chief among them is that they are so much easier to write than actual paragraphs. Also, people are lazy and don't want to read paragraphs. And so, for the second day in one week, I make a blog entry made mainly of lists. You're welcome my lazy readers. All 3 of you.

  1. Humans did not evolve from apes.
  2. Almost all humans house eyelash mites. Like this one:
  3. Hippopotamuses do not sweat blood. Oh sure, the usual fun hippo fact is that they do, in fact, sweat blood, but they neither sweat sweat nor do they sweat blood. They secrete a sunscreen/antibacterial goo that is turns red, then brown. Also their milk is not pink.
  4. Will Smith is older than Uncle Phil was at the start of The Fresh Prince.
  5. The world's oldest tree is 4,845 years old and lives in the U.S. It is called Methuselah and boy does it look its age:
  6. The reason why Methuselah is the oldest living tree is because Prometheus was chopped down by the US Nation Forest Service. It is thought to have been over 5,000 years old. Now that's government service in action.
  7. Victorians liked to take pictures with dead relatives. Because boogaboogabooga!
  8. New York City has more people living in it than 39 whole states do.
  9. Betelgeuse is a star so named because the astrologer who discovered it, Jans Hitelmeyer, had just seen the German version of the movie Beetlejuice.
  10. I am not very good at lying.

The star Betelgeuse was discovered the first time 80's romance girl and 80's romance guy finally hooked the hell up.