Friday, May 29, 2015

Shoes As Wearable Sculpture

There was supposed to be but one entry about the weird-assed shoes encountered on the interwebs. But there were too many. They started forming into groups: Food, animals, too dangerous to walk around in-- I thought for sure Animal Shoes would be next. I was wrong.

Here, have some shoe sculpture.

Firstly, let us all admit that we all weigh some kind of weight. Not even the slimmest of us weighs less than a unicorn fart. Our heels must take on this burden.

Which make these next shoes seem very unfair. It isn't turtles all the way down, it's women in high heels.

Do the last pair seem horribly sexist? Talk about objectifying dat ass! Here, these next shoes are sure to make you feel better about the last pair.

What?! I don't even. . . . Is that thing a buttplug? Is that other thing a butt? That shit needs to be put in chains, pronto!

That's much better. 

Here's a pair of shoes for those of us who wear our hearts on our sleeves.

Now you have someplace else to put it.

Would  you like some wearable modern art shoes? Maybe a deconstruction of the shoe itself, speaking to the futility and banality of the act of wearing high heels. Or would you like to insert some other bullshit that will explain the why of these shoes? 

Of course you would.

You know what I'd like a lot? A reason and a place to wear these last shoes.

Maybe a cookie and chocolate cake convention somewhere.


80's romance guy got himself a pair of mirrored Ray Bans. No aviator jacket, though.