Thursday, May 14, 2015

Vestibular Therapy is Not Therapy in a Hallway

See, what had happened was a virus, sometimes called shingles even though you don't catch it from your roof, invaded the hairy hallway in my ear (and other important nerves that your body so conveniently bundles into a tiny space behind your ear) making me a stumbling non-alcoholic drunk. I am not making any of this up. I like to visualize my vestibular system like this here picture:

only in a hallway inside my ear.

In order to relearn how to stand up straight, I go to therapy 3 times a week. This therapy consists of staring at a capital 'B'. As it was explained to me, Capital B is the most soothing of all the letters in the alphabet. Take that Silent E.

Not only do I stare at Capital B, I also nod my head yes to it and shake my  head no at it. Repeatedly. Because sometimes Capital B is good and deserves encouragement and sometimes Capital B is very, very naughty.

There are other things I do in therapy. I walk up and down a 5 step flight of stairs. It is my and my therapist's goal to one day have me walk down those stairs like a grown person-one step per foot- and not have to grip the handrail for dear life. Shoot for the stars, I say! I also jog while sitting down, march on foam and stand on the rings of Saturn as I try not to fall. But mostly, I stare at Capital B.

So now you know what vestibular therapy is. Seriously. I'm not making any of this up.

Retro 80's romance girl is not digging the hero's girlfriend at all. If heroine were less sweet and innocent, she'd toss a wall walker in her hair.