I am old. I like old songs. I like songs that are even older than I am. I will like a song for years and years and then suddenly realize that the song is talking nothing but mess. You, song, are stupid for delivering this message.
Take TLC's Waterfalls. What are the lovely ladies trying to tell us? Why, they are telling us that the world is a frightening place and you should not explore it. If you take chances or leave your comfort zone, you'll probably get AIDS.
When I was a wee child the most fun anyone could ever have would be to eat candy ALL DAY LONG. The Starland Vocal Band agreed with me. They even made a song about it called Afternoon Delight. Wait, what? This song is not about eating candy whenever you want to? They aren't working up an appetite for Gummi Bears?
What's up with Single Ladies? You have to marry me to have sex with me? Is Beyonce's last name Duggar?
When I first heard John Mayer's Daughters I thought it was beautiful. And then I listened very carefully to what John had to say. Parents, you must be very gentle with girls because one day I may want to fuck them and I don't need all the baggage. Beat the boys, though. Nobody gives a shit about them.
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80's romance girl did not roll up her Catholic school pleated skirt to turn it into a mini skirt.
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