Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Things Not To Do To Yourself


This list is not made up stuff that sounds funny. This is stuff I have actually done to myself. I would not recommend anyone follow in my footsteps.
  • Fart while going up the stairs, remember something you forgot, then turn around and go down the stairs.  
  • Punch your nose bloody while putting on your bra.
  • Have to pee in the middle of seeding Scotch Bonnets. 
  • Send an email saying, "Here's that file you've been waiting for" and then don't attach shit.
  • Think you have glasses on and poke yourself in the eye.
  • Think that every surface you touch is full of stings until your son grabs your hand and shows you the splinter in your finger.
  • Jar your teeth because you think there is another step on the stair when there isn't.
  • Iron a pant leg, flip over pants and iron the other leg. Be too lazy to iron the inside thinking it was taken care of by the ironing of the other side. Do not realize you flipped the pants over twice and ironed the same pant leg twice. Go outside with one pant leg ironed and creased and the other pant leg wrinkled as all get out.
  • Wear shoulder pads after 1989. 


Learn people, learn from my mistakes.

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80's romance girls blazers had pads in them.